I have an Official Calendar.

I know, I know, it's only a piece of paper, but what it tells me is exciting.  Ok, a little scary too, but I'm so ready.  Will try to keep up with blogging and letting you know what's going on.  Return to the Doctor in a week for another ultrasound to make sure the Birth Control is doing it's job.  Then back on the 21st for a blood test and ultrasound.  If everything looks good and the numbers come back, I'll start my meds on Thanksgiving.  The first couple of days aren't too bad, a shot in the morning and a shot in the evening.  On the third day, we introduce two more shots in.  That will go on until day 12, as long as my body is responding well.  Then the fun happens.  Hopefully my body produces lots of eggs, and they'll go in and retrieve them.  After 3 or 5 days, the ultimate goal, is to have several mature embryos, and they'll put them back in.  Only a couple of weeks waiting time.  I'll take a pregnancy test on Christmas Day.

Of course the above outline, is if everything goes according to plan.  So, pray for everything to go perfect!

3 weeks till Thanksgiving

3 weeks until Thanksgiving.  For as slow as this year has seemed to go, now that I'm 3 weeks away from starting the IVF process, it's going pretty fast.  I'm really thankful that the waiting is almost over, and I can move forward.

You know, I always thought life was just going to fall into place.  I never really put much thought into preparation, or hardships.  There are things going on in my family, that are making my heart hurt.  As you are growing up, you just always assume that your family will be there and have your back no matter what.  That apparently is not the case.  The past 3 months, have opened my eyes to selfishness and bitterness.  I've cried and lost sleep over what is going on, but no more.  Last night was the final straw in my eyes.  It's not so much me anymore, but watching my mom and step-dad have their hearts broken is heart wrenching.  Yes, my mom is slightly crazy, but in the best of ways.  Her heart is as big as they come.  There is nothing she wouldn't do for me or my brother.  There is nothing her and Joe haven't already done.  If there is one thing I've learned in this life, is it goes fast.  Way too fast.  You end up with regrets, and you may not ever get the chance to make things right.  I'm moving on, moving past and letting go.  There are people, who want to be a part of my life.  You can't choose family, but you sure can choose great people to share your life with.  They become family.  Blood may be thicker than water, but someone who chooses to swim upstream for you, they are what I want to be surrounded by.

Come on November!

I'm about to get in the kitchen, and finish decorating the last of the Breast Cancer Awareness cookies.  When I'm finished, they will have consumed over 100 dozen cookies this month.  And I was even out of town for one week.  That's 100 dozen in 3 weeks.  I love making them, but I'm also ready for a break!!

I started a juicing and raw vegetable fast on Wednesday, and let me tell you.  I'm hungry! :)  Not that bad, but baking makes me crave bad food.  I feel energized and a little more calm.  Eating healthy, and knowing  you are giving your body what it needs, makes you you feel better each day.  I'm not saying, that I'm not looking forward to Wednesday, when I start introducing foods back into my diet.  Yesterday was a day that I cheated, but there is a good reason.  I did a CrossFit workout, that had me completely depleted.  I'll try to explain what it was, without confusing you.  We were in teams of 4, consisting of two guys and two girls.  To start, myself and other guy started with 20 front squats, holding a bar.  I think mine weighed 25lbs.

Right into 20 jumping lunges

Followed by 20 push presses

And then 20 sit-ups

Now you would think we would be done.  NOPE  While we catch our breath, our partners are doing 20 ground to overhead with weights each.

After they finish, we start back with the front squats, and go through the whole cycle.  We did it a total of 5 times, which equaled 100 of each exercise.  When we finished, we switched places and we finished the workout, by doing the ground to overhead with plates.  Let's just say, the 4 stairs to get out of the building, were a feat themselves.

It was a tough workout, but I'm hooked.  It's a mental game as well.  Pushing yourself past your comfort zone.  I'm going to do this for the next 3 weeks in preparation for the IVF, which will hopefully start on the 24th of November.

I challenge each of you, to try something new.  It is such a wonderful feeling to get out there, and experience something completely different.

Quick update

Wow, it's been a minute since I wrote a post.  Guess I'll update everyone.  Yes, I'm still alive, barely.  My back went out about 3 weeks ago.  Was not able to run in the SOS this year, but still dressed up like Wonder Woman, and helped out with the kid's marathon portion.  It was a wonderful experience, and I hope to do it again and again.

I've just returned from Dallas and San Antonio.  Went for a few days of Vacay, and then on to work.  Was able to spend time with two of my best friends.  I love and miss them dearly.  I came home with sinus issues and am finally on the mend.

Just went out to garage and grabbed the Christmas decorations.  YIKES.  yes, it's early, but Dr's appointments start next month, and I want to get them up, before I might not feel like doing it.

Other than that, not much to report.  It's looking like, I won't know anything definite until the New Year.  All of my appointments have been pushed back by a couple of weeks, due to my sporadic cycle crap.  It's been tough to wait, after months of doing stuff, back to back to back.  Hopefully, there isn't much more delay, and we can get moving on making a baby.  Please keep me in your prayers, as this is the last chance I have to have a child.  If it doesn't work, it doesn't mean I won't be a mother, it just means that I will have a lot of soul searching before I move on to adoption.

Getting back to normal

Well, normal for me.  :)  I've taken the past few weeks and really focused on waking up, getting to the gym, running and eating healthy.  It was tough the first week, but it's become much easier.  The SOS race is in two weeks.  Even though I'm not running the half/half relay, the 5K is giving me just as much challenge this year.  Having not ran since February really, it has been tough.  Yesterday had a good three mile run, and I'm looking forward to the next couple of weeks. 

October is going to be a busy busy month for me.  I will be baking cookies for The Breast Center again.  I'm involved in the Leadership Lawton class, which will meet the second week.  I'll be headed to Dallas and San Antonio for a week, which will fall in the middle of baking .  EEK!   Then, I go back to the doctor on the 29th.  I'm thankful to have so much planned to keep me busy and keep my mind occupied.

Happy Fall!

Life

I don't even know where to begin this blog post.  I've been reading up on IVF over the weekend, and I'm not sure if it makes me feel better, or if I am dreading it more.  Of course, both books I read, ended in the great news, that they were successful.

I'm just not myself anymore.  To be honest, not really sure who I am.  I feel very selfish at times, with the only thing on my mind is me and what is going on.  It's not that I don't care about anyone, but honestly, I can't process everything.  My hormones have been out of whack, since that very first Clomid pill.  And now that I'm not on anything, I feel even worse.  There have been so many dark days, that I'm not sure the sun shines for me.  I'm going through the motions right now.  Fake it until you make it, is what they say. 

I guess, I'm just scared.  Everyone says don't worry, it will work, or things will be ok... yeah yeah I know.  But there is a huge chance it won't work.  How long will it take me to feel whole?  How long before Starr comes back?  Right now I'm in a holding pattern, and I don't feel like I'm doing anything.  Wake up, sleep, eat, try not to cry and repeat.  About the only thing I do enjoy, is drinking and laughing, but even then, that "fake" fun ends.  I come home alone (most of the time) <<< sorry, I still have a little bit of Starr hiding inside me, jokes, the girl has jokes>>>>>

Just a blog to blog.  Get out some feelings of blah and whatever else there is hiding.

IVF is scheduled.

Well, we have tentative plans.  You all know how plans work though.  :)  The doctors will officially take over my body around the end of this month.  They will put me on birth control and take over my cycles.  The next big appointment is scheduled for the end of October, where they will run a battery of tests.  If all goes well, I'm scheduled to begin the heavy doses of medication on the 24th of November.  I'm really lucky that someone dropped out of this November cycle.  If not, I would have had to wait until January.  I'm not that patient.

So, I have a few months to focus on something other than babies.  So far, I'm not doing so well.  No energy and I think I'm slightly depressed.  Not positive, but if I could sleep, that is what I would be doing.  My goal is to get back out and pound the pavement, and get in the gym and lift some weights.  Maybe drop 10 or 15 pounds before I go through this next step.

I'll try to get some positive and funny blogs out.  Maybe tell some old stories.  It's time for some laughs.