Ready for a break!

I'm so ready for a much needed break.  Starting Friday August 1, 2014  NO FACEBOOK for a month.  I'm probably going to skip watching any news programs as well.  It seems like everyday, every minute, every second is marred by tragedy.  Guess what people, it's always been that way.  Since the beginning of time, SHIT happens.  But in today's time, everything is BREAKING NEWS.  Watching everyone post depressing and horrifying news links has started taking it's toll. 

     "Like this picture to show you don't support spousal abuse"  "Look at this dog, his fur gone because his owners tied him to a tree and didn't feed him for weeks".... I could go on, but I know you have all seen it.

I don't know about you guys, but life for me is pretty ok.  I mean, things aren't perfect, but I've been blessed beyond measure.  If I sat and focused on all the shit, life would become horrible really quickly.  I've been learning lately, that I can't live my life for anyone other than myself.  The way I react or don't react, is totally up to me.  I'll be honest, I don't like conflict, but for years instigated my fair share of turmoil.  Now, I would rather avoid the things that make me sad or unhappy.

I'm tired of waking up and the first thing I hear is bad news.  Since I know this, I will just quit listening to the news. Unless of course it's from Gary Gnu

New Direction

Hello all.  It has been a couple of months since my last post.  I've been busy in the gym, at the office and not much else.

More frequent posts are on the horizon, as I venture into a new phase of life.  My shoulder is healing nicely and I'm in the gym more and more.  I've signed up for my first competition in 3 weeks.  I'm really excited to do something competitive again.

I'll post recipes, exercise tips, struggles, personal records... whatever happens for the week, I'll fill you in.  Everyday can't be a PR kind of day.  I want to encourage people to never give up.  You are never too old, too young, too anything.  Do things that make you happy, find people who encourage that and live your life. 

Peace out for now......

Mother's Day.

Oh boy, another Mother's Day is upon us.  Just my opinion, but it is just another day.  But, if you watch TV, read the newspaper, pay attention to Facebook, all you see are sappy posts and commercials about the day.  It's like a global attack of guilt upon you.  "Treat your mother to the best" "Give flowers to the woman who gave you life"... the list goes on and on and on and on. 

First, there are women who chose not to have children.  We should have a day to celebrate them for just being them.  A woman!!  We need a woman's day.

Second, there are many women who have lost their child or children.  This can be a very emotional and draining time for them.  They are constantly reminded of the children they once held who are no longer here.

Third, there are women who have tried and failed to ever get pregnant.  There can be feelings of embarrassment or uselessness.

Fourth, there are women who have suffered miscarriages.  This day can be a reminder of what could have been.

Fifth, there are women who after a lot of soul searching, decided to abort a baby.  They might have feelings of guilt and shame.  Or, they could be like the first group, who just chose not to have a child in their circumstances.

My point is, not everyone wants to celebrate Mother's Day.  Not even with their own mother.  I am one of those women.  I love my mother, every crazy inch of her.  She drives me to the brink of madness most days.  She has been a constant source of love in my life.  She has also been a source of conflict, because we don't always see eye to eye.  But I have my own feelings of everything I described above.  Is it selfish of me, to decide that I want to do what I want?  Sure it is.  But I make no apologies for trying to safeguard my heart against the feelings that come up every year.  I've been dealing with them since my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage in 1995.  Almost 20 years of heartbreak.  It's only recently, I decided to take a stand and do only things I wanted to do.  Nothing out of obligation anymore.  It's not the most popular choice in a society which thrives on tradition. 

 So Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there, including my Mammie and Crickett.

But especially, Happy Strong Woman's Day to all the women who don't have children.

Where is 2014 going? Wait, where is life going so fast?

This year has been a roller coaster of sorts.  Took another trip to Ireland for St. Patrick's Day.  It was a fantastic trip with many fun moments.  Hanging out with friends and making new ones.  I miss there so much.  It's almost time to start planning my next trip.

I've been released from the Surgeon and PT.  Back in the gym, working on things slowly.  I've been doing banded push-ups and pull-ups.  Lots of stretching and mobility too.  Still some internal rotation issues, but it is slowly getting better.

I've registered with the State of Oklahoma, and have started selling my cookies at the Farmer's Market.  My brother built me the most awesome cart.  I only asked for a sign, and he hooked me up.  Last Saturday was the first and I think it was pretty successful.  Had a great time talking with people and interacting.  Now, if we could just get them to change the hours, it would be perfect.  NO one wants to wake up on Saturday morning at 5:45.  At least I don't want to.

So life, it just goes by.. One moment I was a teenager and now I'm pushing 40.  I can still see that person in the mirror.  When I see my friends, they are still those people.  This week, we lost one of the good ones.  Todd Osborne.  Oh such a handsome guy.  He was every girl's crush.  I can remember being in 4th or 5th grade and thinking he was "Hot".  I didn't go to school with him, but every summer while at my dad's, that was the neighborhood.  I followed my older brother around and ended up always being with the guys.  Kickball games, Putt Putt, you name it we did it.  Todd was so nice and down to earth.  He never met a stranger.  He had the most stunning eyes always with a twinkle.  There was sometimes a mischievous gleam to them.  His smile, was quick to come and genuine.  When you had a conversation with Todd, he was there with you in that moment.  He listened, paid attention and cared.  He was so laid back and confident.  When I was around him, I always thought of a beach.  He loved music and all different kinds.  He would post the songs he was listening too, and I always found myself thinking "man I love that song", which would propel me to stop what I was doing and Youtube the song to hear it again.  I'll miss those reminders to stop and take time to listen to the song.  Every time I saw him, I would say "I'm coming to Ft. Worth to visit soon"  His response was always, "come on, the pool is open and you have a place to stay".  I never took that trip.  I lost out on making more memories with my friend Todd.  I"m thankful for the memories I have.  He has left a lot of friends behind.  Reading their stories makes me smile.  He left a lasting impression on everyone he met.  It's going to be sad to say goodbye, but I'm so grateful he was a part of my story.

To all my friends close by and far away.  You all are a part of my story, and I appreciate each and everyone of you.  Thank you for the memories and I hope to make more with you.

Didn't realize how long it had been.

Wow!  Time seems to have gotten away from me.  Can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I blogged.  In my defense, I was a little out of it for the first part of January. 

Let's get up to date.  My shoulder is healing fantastically.  I almost hit full range of motion today in PT.  That is huge!!  Soon, I'll be able to start strengthening exercises, and then I'll be back in the gym.  YAY  Hopefully the doctor releases me next week, to at least start running.  Fingers crossed on that.

Sir William and I continue to snuggle each night on the couch.  He still makes me yell "treat" from time to time, just to get him inside. 

Other than that, not much else to report.  I'm sure I'll have more to say soon.

Hope everyone's New Year, has started with a BANG.

Goodbye 2013

What a year... It was filled with the highest of highs and definitely the lowest of lows.  When thinking back on the year though, I'm filled with nothing but gratitude.

January:  I lost my precious babe, who was growing inside me.  I was devastated and overwhelmed by so many emotions.  I knew that I probably wouldn't try again, and dealing with the loss and the knowledge, that it was my last chance, was almost too much.  There were many tears shed every night as I went to sleep.

February:  Crossfit!  I started a journey full time, that has forever changed me and the way I view my body.  It made me realize, I'm strong.  With hard work and preparation, you can do anything you set your mind too.  It taught me to push past comfortable, and go for it.

March:  Ireland....Pushed away my fear of flying, and set out on the trip I'd dreamed of for a long long time.  St. Patrick's Day in Dublin.  Wow!  It was more than I ever dreamed.  Each day I would wake up and hit the streets.  There were a lot of tears shed there as well.  Seeing the beauty of that city, meeting the people, it was an amazing time.  When I left, there was a void in my heart. 

April:  Hmm, I think this month was filled with dreams of Ireland and lot's of Crossfit.

May: Started planning my next trip to Ireland.  I couldn't stay away for long.  If I saw something about Ireland on TV, I cried.  There was a physical response.  An ache and a longing, that I had only experienced, when being homesick from my family.

June:  Crossfit, Crossfit and more Crossfit.  This is when I really started to notice a change in my body and my mental strength.  My eating was on point and I was starting to get stronger and faster in the gym.  It carried over to my life.  I was happier and more productive.

July: Can anyone say Crossfit?  Throw in a couple of Saturday Shenanigans and you've pretty much got the idea.

August: Oh the dreaded month of August.  My due date was the 28th.  This date haunted me throughout the year.  As much as I tried to forget it, it would just talk to me in the quietest of times.  To my surprise, the girls from the gym, surprised me with a dinner.  There were about 18 girls who showed up.  I've never been one who get's surprised, so it was really a special moment for me.  The support they offered was nothing short of fantastic.

September:  Ireland.  I was so happy to get there and get my rental car.  I drove on the wrong side of the car, wrong side of the road and loved every minute of it.  Ireland is a beautiful place.  It's magical and holds me hostage to the promise of the life, I've always dreamed about. Simplicity at it's best.  When I'm there, I'm me, the best me, the most honest me, the happiest me.  The half marathon in Dingle, was exhilarating with the most gorgeous views, I've ever seen in my life.  I can't imagine never seeing that place again.  And then there was Dan.  He sneaked in under the radar.  Completely the opposite of my type, yet my perfect counter part. 

October: Disaster in the Crossfit!  I injured my shoulder about 4 years ago, and I finally pushed it to it's limit, or rather pulled it to it's limit.  I know the exact moment it was torn beyond just letting it go.  Workout called for pullups and I did what is called a kipping pullup. I've been avoiding doing those, because I couldn't yet do a strict.  The kipping pull up has movement in it, and I just wasn't ready.  So, there goes the rotator cuff.  I also could not stand the separation between Dan and I, so I scheduled another trip to Ireland. 

November:  Light time in the gym.  Could not perform any upper body movements, so I worked on my backsquat.  I actually achieved my new personal record of 215 pounds, which I'm very proud of.  Then the week before Thanksgiving, Ireland  :)  I arrived back to spend time with Dan.  It was so much fun and very relaxing.  Tea and toast became an everyday thing for me.  Sleep was also restored.  I slept for 8-12 hours every night.  It had been a couple of years, since I was so comfortable.

December:  I was supposed to be home preparing for surgery, but one decision kept me in Ireland for an extra week.  I was scheduled to leave Ireland on the 2nd, but I just didn't want to leave Dan.  So, I changed my ticket to the 5th.  On the 3rd, I looked at the weather and saw a huge storm moving into Lawton and Dallas.  On Wednesday night, I cancelled my flight and re-booked for Sunday the 8th.  Saturday night-Sunday morning at 1am, I received a phone call from AA, changing my flight to Monday the 9th.  Sunday night my flight was cancelled again, because of the second leg of the flight being cancelled.  So after two hours on hold, I was scheduled to leave on Tuesday the 10th.  I kept waiting for it to be cancelled, but NOOOOO, so home I came.  Lot's of scrambling to finish end of year paperwork, before my surgery.  December 18th, rotator cuff surgery.  Woke up groggy and not able to move my right arm.  Mom was watching Sir William and Dad was playing nurse.  I spent 5 days with my dad and Crickett.  They took great care of me, and honestly, I had a good time being with them.  It's something I plan on doing more.  Christmas was different for me this year.  It seems to change and grow more distant than what I remember.  I know it is because, of the lack of kids, in my house.  There is no one to be excited for it.  Santa Claus doesn't come to my house anymore, which makes me sad. 

December 31st:  I'm alive.  My arm is healing.  Still moments of pain, usually in the evenings after I've used my arm too much, like typing this blog :)  I'm looking forward to this next year.  It's a big one for me.  I'll be closing out the last year of my 30's.  It doesn't seem possible, but that is what my birth certificate says.  Dan is coming to see me for my birthday... HE BETTER!  I'm not sure what the year holds, but I'm excited to see it unfold. 

Thank you all for the friendship and love you've shown through this year.  I've gained some new friends and learned to appreciate the ones I have more.  I hope for you all a prosperous and healthy year.

May the sun shine all day long, everything go right and nothing wrong. May those you love bring love back to you, and may all the wishes you wish come true! ~ Irish Blessing

November.1

The month of being Thankful.  I honestly try to be thankful each and every day.  My life has been filled with so many wonderful moments.  Those moments and the memories, far outweigh the bad.

But I'll start today, by being thankful for my parents.  How blessed am I, to still have them both, here on this earth with me?  I have many friends, who have had to said goodbye too soon.  Yes, they both may drive me to the brink of insanity at times, but they are my friends, my cheerleaders, my gut checks.  They are a part of me, and I, a part of them. 

I'll start with the momma, so she doesn't get jealous.  She is CRAZY, certifiably nuts.  She will guilt you to no end.  She will call me, if she thinks something is wrong, and if I don't answer, she will then call every .2 seconds, until I answer the phone, screaming "WHAT".  But, she loves me and I know that.  She will kick someone's ass for hurting me.  She will stand up for me against anyone who dares go against me, as long as I'm not in the wrong.  She has no problem speaking her mind and standing behind her convictions.

My father, the daddio.  He is CRAZY, certifiably insane.  He and I can fight, I mean knock down drag out verbal wars.  He has a sharp tongue backed by a sharper wit, deadly combination.  He also, will kick someone's ass for hurting me.  He has supported me, when most of those times, I was definitely in the wrong and was headed the wrong direction.  He is a man of his word and full of integrity, even when the world around him falls apart, and tries to beat him down.  He has given me the tough love at just the right times.  He loves me and I know.

They are both crazy, insane, nuts, loud, outspoken and often times misunderstood.  They will forever and always be mine, and for that I'M THANKFUL.