10dp3dt

Catching up over the past 4 or 5 days.

7dp3dt (7 days past 3 day transfer) No symptoms and BFN (Big Fucking Negative) on the pregnancy test.  Still early because it is only 10 days past ovulation.  Not feeling as optimistic

8dp3dt.  No symptoms and another BFN on the pregnancy test.  Last time when I was pregnant, my test was showing positive at this point.

9dp3dt.  No symptoms and BFN on the test.  Optimism is fading quickly

And today, Monday morning, a BFN on the pregnancy test.  10dp3dt, which is 10 days past transfer and 13 days past ovulation.  I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.  Humans only have a certain window in which the embryo will implant in the uterus and start secreting HCG, the pregnancy hormone.  I go in on Wednesday for my Blood test, which I fear will only confirm that this try failed.

I'm absolutely gutted, heartbroken and every other word imaginable for being in pain.  Knowing the odds are stacked against me really didn't change the hope and want.  I honestly thought this would be the time.  All that said, I'm a realist, and I'm not shocked it didn't work.  To be completely honest, I've come to expect all the sadness and heartbreak that comes with being me.  Not many things have ever really gone in my favor.  You can look at my love life as a prime example.  Yes, there are many things that I'm successful at, just not the things that I long for.

So, I'm going to need a little time, and then I'll come back stronger and try to figure out what my next step is.  I may give it one more shot.  At this point, the money doesn't matter.  I'll take out a loan to try again.  And please, don't ask if I've thought about adoption.

9dp3dt

The title should give you a hint, as to what my days consist of.  Just go to any search engine, and you too can be sucked into the blogging world of Acronyms for fertility.  :)  What it means is, I'm 9 days past a 3 day transfer.  At this point, I consider myself PUPO, which is Pregnant until proven otherwise.  They put 3 embryos in, and until I have a blood test to tell me different, I'm trying to keep faith and just believe, that I am indeed pregnant.  My stomach has finally cleared of all it's bruises and track marks from the gazillion shots.  The swelling seems to have subsided as well.  I'm wearing jeans today.  Yippee 

My progesterone in oil shots, are going very well.  There was one episode of pain, only one though, out of almost 2 weeks of nightly shots, I'll take it.  No bruising and no lumps.  I've got two great girls giving me the shots.  Both of them are nurses, and I'm so very thankful.  Not only for their help, but their friendship as well.  I've know Missy for 25 years and Erin and I are new friends.  I don't know what I would do without either one of them.  Getting to see them each day, is a bright spot.

So, no news to report.  Not feeling anything, which is a good thing I suppose.  No weird sensations, no pain.  Except for the painful way, that time is going by, everything is good.  I'm super excited about Christmas.  That is when I will find out if this worked.  Because of the holiday, I have to wait.  But, I've waited this whole year, what's a few more days.