Last IUI cycle.

So this is it, last chance at the easy ones.  Can't believe it's 4 times already.  Well, it will be on Thursday morning.  I have to once again, stay up tonight, then jab a super huge (tiny) needle in my belly, to help mother nature along.  Then it's time for the longest two week wait known to man.  Seriously, if you want time to slow down, hang out with me for the next couple of weeks.  Should know if it worked Labor Day Weekend.  If it doesn't work, then we are moving on to an IVF cycle.

The doctor and I spoke at length today about my options.  He agreed that we should just move to IVF if this doesn't work.  He was candid in his opinion on my odds.  With my age and poor ovarian reserve, there is a high chance of a cancelled cycle.  Which means, after aggressively pumping my body full of drugs, they will cancel the cycle before surgery, because of me not responding to the drugs, or them not seeing enough follicles with eggs.  Even if they go in, he doesn't expect to get more than 8 eggs.  With that said, the general rule of thumb is, half of those eggs might be good, then after all the magic they work, half of those might turn to blastocyst stage and be ready to implant.  So a good estimate would be 2 blastocyst ready for transfer, if I'm lucky.

So that's where we stand.  What we are all hoping for, praying for, begging for, pleading for, wishing for and believing in is, The 4th times the charm!!!

Long week!

Day four of the Clomid.  Almost through this week.  Woke up this morning and stepped outside, was met with the most wonderful cool breeze.  How refreshing it was to feel some coolness to the morning.  I sure hope it is like that, for my 2.5 mile run in the morning.  I felt a little hope swell up inside.

I haven't been taking care of myself the past couple of months.  Started eating horrible.  Not just once a day, but several times and most days of the week.  Didn't cook for myself for at least a couple of weeks.  Not a good thing at all.  Yesterday, I went to Yoga for the first time in a long time, and was reminded to treat myself with love and understanding.  I've been so angry about my failed attempts at getting pregnant, that I was literally shoving food down my throat.  My reasoning, is what does it matter?  I started drinking a little more, not much but maybe once a week.  With that though, I also gave in to my old habit of smoking.  How freaking insane am I?  Now, I'm not smoking, just had a few lapses in judgement.  I'm not that girl anymore.  I want to be healthy and beautiful and free from the old demons.  It didn't help that I had hurt myself running.  Between all the medication headaches and hot flashes, working out just became something I used to do.  That has to stop.  Even if it's only a light workout, I need it to feel normal.  I miss the way I feel, after getting all sweaty and pushing myself to my limit.  Holding a yoga pose and feeling the energy move through my body.  Running with a steady cadence and not feeling like I want to puke.

I hope everyone remembers to love yourself.  You are worth it!

What's going on?

Day 16 post IUI and I'm still in limbo. Pregnancy test still reads negative and I'm 3 days late. It's maddening to not know what my body is up to. I've read and studied up on the effects of Clomid on your body. In some people it causes a late ovulation. I took the HCG shot, which is supposed to ensure ovulation, but I'm starting to question it. The past 4 days have been filled with anxiety. Add on cramps, being tired and irritability. I've tried to catch up on sleep, but it has been fleeting.

I just want to know what is going on with my body. I'll call the doctor first thing in the morning, and hopefully get some answers. I'm worried about about having another ectopic pregnancy. I only have one Fallopian tube left, and can't afford anything to happen to it.