Where to begin... I'll start at the end of 2011. It was truly a turning point for me. I learned my Scottish boyfriend, was not who he said he was, and he was married in early December. That month was kind of a blur. Lots of tears and soul searching. I decided then and there, that it was time, I started being proactive, in what I truly wanted in life.
February, 2012 was my first appointment with a fertility doctor in Oklahoma City. He did some blood work and an ultrasound. After the appt, he sat me down and talked chances and what he found. Basically, he told me that my ultrasound showed only 5 follicles, which was indicative of Poor Ovarian Reserve. He expected the blood work to confirm that. He told me, to just wait for his phone call in a few days, then we would discuss my options. I went out to the parking lot, barely holding myself together. Called my dad and started crying. Came home and started researching everything he had told me. The blood test was an AMH test, and low numbers, were not good.
He calls back and schedules follow up appointment. I asked the nurse my number, she hesitated telling me, but I asked again. My AMH was a .2 On a scale from 0-5, I was .2 away from Zero fertility. I hung up the phone and once again cried my eyes out. Next day was my appointment. I arrived, and exactly like I thought, the doctor told me my chances of having a child were pretty slim. Now, there was the option of using donor eggs. Then he rattled off numbers saying " in normal women, age 40 the chances of success are..." " In normal women, age 35 the chances of success are...". Basically, he was saying everything that didn't pertain to me. He said whatever I chose, I needed to make a decision quick, because his next IVF started in June and it was expensive. I wanted out of his office and away from him. I knew that regardless of what I chose, it would not involve him. I cried most of the way home, no radio turned on. My thoughts of holding a baby, who looked like me, my mom, my dad were clouded by his voice, saying no. It was a tough drive. Strangely, when I got home, there was a calmness to me. I jumped online and started looking for another doctor. OU Medical jumped up, and I called. The girl was super sweet and said it was just my luck, an appointment, was open for the next day. I made the appointment.
Right away, I like Dr. Hansen and his staff. They were all friendly, and he talked to me. He gave me another ultrasound, and he found more follicles, not a lot more, but a few more. 8 was better than 5. He said, he saw no reason, not to try an IUI, which is an Intrauterine Insemination. Basically, it's the doctor putting the sperm, right outside the fallopian tubes, and letting nature work it's course. First though, I needed an HSG, which is an Hysterosalpingography an X-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes, to make sure the tubes are working properly. It is an uncomfortable procedure, to say the least. They basically pump your uterus full of dye, while performing the X-ray. I was laid out on the table for about 20 minutes, while the doctor squeezed the dye in, which caused contractions. The first test was performed by an offsite doctor, and the results were inconclusive. Dr. Hansen said we could proceed, or do the test again. We chose to do the test again. So the very next day, I drove back up to the city, and had the test performed by Dr. Hansen. He concluded that the tube I did have, was open, but maybe not without some blockage. He still thought that IUI was the best course of action.
May 2012, my first IUI after a week of Clomid. I was crazy after the meds. They had me feeling very euphoric my first time. I was super excited and just knew, that I was going to be pregnant right away. Instead, I was met with a big fat negative. No time to cry about it though, it was time for the next try. Well, as most of you know, there were 4 failed IUI attempts, and each time the medicine made me meaner and depressed. I had headaches that put me flat on my back. After the fourth fail, it was time to discuss our options. Dr. Hansen and I spoke at length about IVF. He said my odds, were maybe 25%. Well, let's do it I said. There was no way I could give up without trying. This was in August, and it was a long 3 month wait to start my IVF cycle.
A couple of days before Thanksgiving, my box of drugs arrived. I cried just looking at them. I was scared and sad. Sad to be alone, trying to have a baby, and scared of all the shots I was about to endure. Thanksgiving was my first shot. Wasn't too bad, two shots a day. It wasn't until the third day, that I introduced a couple more shots in. In total, I had given myself 52 shots in 23 days, or something like that. I had appointments, just about every other day. They were checking my blood, and looking for over stimulation. My body responded very well, and I only had a few days of swelling and bruising. They harvested 6 eggs. 4 eggs were mature and two immature. Out of the 4, 3 of them fertilized. On day 2, they were doing very well, one Grade A and two Grade B. On the third day, when I went in for the transfer, all three were still doing great. One 4 cell grade B-, one 6 cell grade B, and one Morula.
That's when the wait began. Slowly minutes ticked by, day by day. Not knowing if it worked, was killing me. I started peeing on a stick the day after my procedure. I do not recommend this for anyone. :) It becomes the obsessive thing you do. Then you stare at the sticks, imagining lines when there aren't any. Only difference is, I did have a line. Day after day, that little line kept showing up. Then it started getting darker, and then finally the digital test said yes. That's right, you read that correctly.... I'm pregnant. Wait, let me say that just a little louder...I'm pregnant.
Merry Christmas
Monday, December 24, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
My high rolling friend
Well, I'm still waiting, ever so patiently to find out the news on whether I'm pregnant, or not. Come on already Christmas!! So, today while out finishing my Christmas Shopping, I ran into an old friend and we laughed about the summer of 1985.
Summer, 1985. My mother was a pool player, and a good one at that. She had won her way to a National Pool tournament in Las Vegas. How excited was I, to go to Vegas. It was hot hot hot. I remember that so vividly. We arrived, and there wasn't much for me a kid to do. So I naturally, went in search of friends in the big pool hall, at the MGM grand. I made friends with a woman named Lee Meredith. She was the blonde, in the Miller Lite Commercials, that said "Oh, Mickey". I also, somehow, roped myself into working a booth, that served sodas. Never meet a stranger now, and never met a stranger then. I became pen pals with Lee, and I think it dropped off in High School. Need to ask Mammie. Anyway, I digress. I had a baby sitter one day, and she took me to Wet N Wild. It had just opened that year. While hanging out, I noticed a kid that looked really familiar to me. So of course, I went up to him. As I drew closer, I was sure it was my friend's younger brother. "Casey, is your sister here?" he looked up at me, and said, "um yeah, follow me". So off we go. We make it to the wave pool I think, and there is Candy Yoast, my friend from Will Rogers Elementary School. She is going into the 7th grade, and I'm going into the 5th grade. Her dad was a blackjack dealer, and they were there visiting for the summer. It was too cool, to be a million miles away from home, playing with my friend. I felt so cool.
Through the years, Candy and I would always run into each other. We looked a lot alike. Both were blue eyed brunettes, with long sometimes unruly curly hair. She called me up out of the blue one time, and said I have something for you. It was a fake ID. I used it until it expired or I turned 18, can't remember which happened first. :)
So today, I saw Candy and was 10 again. I was super cool. :)
Summer, 1985. My mother was a pool player, and a good one at that. She had won her way to a National Pool tournament in Las Vegas. How excited was I, to go to Vegas. It was hot hot hot. I remember that so vividly. We arrived, and there wasn't much for me a kid to do. So I naturally, went in search of friends in the big pool hall, at the MGM grand. I made friends with a woman named Lee Meredith. She was the blonde, in the Miller Lite Commercials, that said "Oh, Mickey". I also, somehow, roped myself into working a booth, that served sodas. Never meet a stranger now, and never met a stranger then. I became pen pals with Lee, and I think it dropped off in High School. Need to ask Mammie. Anyway, I digress. I had a baby sitter one day, and she took me to Wet N Wild. It had just opened that year. While hanging out, I noticed a kid that looked really familiar to me. So of course, I went up to him. As I drew closer, I was sure it was my friend's younger brother. "Casey, is your sister here?" he looked up at me, and said, "um yeah, follow me". So off we go. We make it to the wave pool I think, and there is Candy Yoast, my friend from Will Rogers Elementary School. She is going into the 7th grade, and I'm going into the 5th grade. Her dad was a blackjack dealer, and they were there visiting for the summer. It was too cool, to be a million miles away from home, playing with my friend. I felt so cool.
Through the years, Candy and I would always run into each other. We looked a lot alike. Both were blue eyed brunettes, with long sometimes unruly curly hair. She called me up out of the blue one time, and said I have something for you. It was a fake ID. I used it until it expired or I turned 18, can't remember which happened first. :)
So today, I saw Candy and was 10 again. I was super cool. :)
Monday, December 17, 2012
9dp3dt
The title should give you a hint, as to what my days consist of. Just go to any search engine, and you too can be sucked into the blogging world of Acronyms for fertility. :) What it means is, I'm 9 days past a 3 day transfer. At this point, I consider myself PUPO, which is Pregnant until proven otherwise. They put 3 embryos in, and until I have a blood test to tell me different, I'm trying to keep faith and just believe, that I am indeed pregnant. My stomach has finally cleared of all it's bruises and track marks from the gazillion shots. The swelling seems to have subsided as well. I'm wearing jeans today. Yippee
My progesterone in oil shots, are going very well. There was one episode of pain, only one though, out of almost 2 weeks of nightly shots, I'll take it. No bruising and no lumps. I've got two great girls giving me the shots. Both of them are nurses, and I'm so very thankful. Not only for their help, but their friendship as well. I've know Missy for 25 years and Erin and I are new friends. I don't know what I would do without either one of them. Getting to see them each day, is a bright spot.
So, no news to report. Not feeling anything, which is a good thing I suppose. No weird sensations, no pain. Except for the painful way, that time is going by, everything is good. I'm super excited about Christmas. That is when I will find out if this worked. Because of the holiday, I have to wait. But, I've waited this whole year, what's a few more days.
My progesterone in oil shots, are going very well. There was one episode of pain, only one though, out of almost 2 weeks of nightly shots, I'll take it. No bruising and no lumps. I've got two great girls giving me the shots. Both of them are nurses, and I'm so very thankful. Not only for their help, but their friendship as well. I've know Missy for 25 years and Erin and I are new friends. I don't know what I would do without either one of them. Getting to see them each day, is a bright spot.
So, no news to report. Not feeling anything, which is a good thing I suppose. No weird sensations, no pain. Except for the painful way, that time is going by, everything is good. I'm super excited about Christmas. That is when I will find out if this worked. Because of the holiday, I have to wait. But, I've waited this whole year, what's a few more days.
Sunday, December 09, 2012
And the final wait begins
Yesterday was the big day. I arrived to the Doctor's office a little excited, nervous, scared, but most of all ready. As you can see, I dressed for the occasion :) My shirt says, "Let's make babies"
They took me back and before we got started, they gave me my first pictures, of what could become my baby or babies.
The top left is a 4 cell Grade B-, which is a little slow for a day 3, but anything is possible. The bottom right is a 6 cell Grade B, which is right on track for a day 3. And the middle is what is called a Morula, they are rapidly dividing cells, which for day 3 is pretty fast. It could possibly burn out, before it is able to attach to the Uterine wall. Once again, anything is possible. Just seeing these, made my heart beat a little faster. It's so exciting to think, these could be the first pictures of my baby or babies ;)
I'm trying to stay positive and only think good thoughts, but the realist side of me, rears her ugly head, and plays devil's advocate. I'm just praying for good news. I know, I've done everything I can. I've fought almost this whole year, to get to this point. There have been many tears shed, and each one of them have been worth it, no matter the outcome. It's taught me so much more about myself, my family and my friends. It's also taught me, that if you truly want something, you will move mountains to make it happen. I'm hoping that it takes this first try, because I haven't made a plan B. I could always attempt again, but that will take a lot of soul searching, and maybe winning a small lottery jackpot. :) I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Thank you all, for taking this journey with me. Hopefully soon, you all get tired of the grossly cute baby pics. :)
They took me back and before we got started, they gave me my first pictures, of what could become my baby or babies.
The top left is a 4 cell Grade B-, which is a little slow for a day 3, but anything is possible. The bottom right is a 6 cell Grade B, which is right on track for a day 3. And the middle is what is called a Morula, they are rapidly dividing cells, which for day 3 is pretty fast. It could possibly burn out, before it is able to attach to the Uterine wall. Once again, anything is possible. Just seeing these, made my heart beat a little faster. It's so exciting to think, these could be the first pictures of my baby or babies ;)
I'm trying to stay positive and only think good thoughts, but the realist side of me, rears her ugly head, and plays devil's advocate. I'm just praying for good news. I know, I've done everything I can. I've fought almost this whole year, to get to this point. There have been many tears shed, and each one of them have been worth it, no matter the outcome. It's taught me so much more about myself, my family and my friends. It's also taught me, that if you truly want something, you will move mountains to make it happen. I'm hoping that it takes this first try, because I haven't made a plan B. I could always attempt again, but that will take a lot of soul searching, and maybe winning a small lottery jackpot. :) I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Thank you all, for taking this journey with me. Hopefully soon, you all get tired of the grossly cute baby pics. :)
Friday, December 07, 2012
It's time.
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. So they called, and it's a go. I'm headed to the Doctor in the morning, to have my eggs transferred back in. All 3 are awesome. One is a Grade A- and the other 2 are Grade B. Not really sure what all that means, but she said it was great. There is still a miracle that has to happen, which is implantation, but I'm on my way. Thank you all for your prayers and texts. I'll try and give you some posts in the next couple of weeks, but I might just lay low and pray a lot. Christmas is going to be the day I find out.
I'm going to get my babies!!! :)
I'm going to get my babies!!! :)
Bringing you up to speed.
Oh my gosh, time is going so slowly. Had my surgery Wednesday morning. I woke up asking how many eggs. They harvested 6 eggs, but they didn't know any more than that. So back home I go. Wednesday evening took forever, and of course I started my next round of shots. Progesterone in oil, in the buttocks or hip area. 22 ga needle 1 1/2 in length. So far my friend Erin has given me the shots, and she is wonderful. I've only almost passed out once. That's pretty good. Pretty sure, that it was anxiety and the left over meds from the surgery on Wednesday.
So, wake up Thursday. Morning time goes by at a snails pace. My brain wouldn't work, watching TV was driving me crazy, couldn't relax. The Lortab were not working, and I was just mush. Finally, I start to relax around 2, when the phone rings. I look over and see the Doctor's number. My heart stops for a second, and I hold my breath. She says hi and asks how I am. Come on already, no small talk, just give it to me (that's what I was thinking) but what I said was, I'm great, how are you? So, she tells me they harvested 6 eggs, 4 were mature and 2 were immature and 3 of them fertilized. I started shaking, and the tears rushed to my eyes. My voice quivered as I wanted to know more, but there was nothing else for her to say. She said it was good. Just hold tight, and they'll call me on Friday.
It's Friday...... I woke up at 4 am. Did laundry, dishes, read the paper, watched about 6 episodes of Family Feud. This day is dragging by. I'm listening to music, I'm thinking of everything but my possible children in OKC, sitting in a Petri Dish.
I've prayed, cried, prayed some more. My friends are praying, there might even be a few of my atheist friends who have prayed. I can feel it :)
So, you know as much as me at this point. I hope to have some more news soon. And Good news at that.
So, wake up Thursday. Morning time goes by at a snails pace. My brain wouldn't work, watching TV was driving me crazy, couldn't relax. The Lortab were not working, and I was just mush. Finally, I start to relax around 2, when the phone rings. I look over and see the Doctor's number. My heart stops for a second, and I hold my breath. She says hi and asks how I am. Come on already, no small talk, just give it to me (that's what I was thinking) but what I said was, I'm great, how are you? So, she tells me they harvested 6 eggs, 4 were mature and 2 were immature and 3 of them fertilized. I started shaking, and the tears rushed to my eyes. My voice quivered as I wanted to know more, but there was nothing else for her to say. She said it was good. Just hold tight, and they'll call me on Friday.
It's Friday...... I woke up at 4 am. Did laundry, dishes, read the paper, watched about 6 episodes of Family Feud. This day is dragging by. I'm listening to music, I'm thinking of everything but my possible children in OKC, sitting in a Petri Dish.
I've prayed, cried, prayed some more. My friends are praying, there might even be a few of my atheist friends who have prayed. I can feel it :)
So, you know as much as me at this point. I hope to have some more news soon. And Good news at that.
Monday, December 03, 2012
Half way there.
I can't believe it. Finished up my stim shots about an hour ago. I can remember receiving them in the mail, and wondering how in the world I would ever make it. Well, it's over. Pretty sure that's the easy part. There is actually one more shot at 11 p.m. It is the HCG trigger shot. So, it gets the ball rolling. I'm scheduled for surgery Wednesday morning. I'm excited, for surgery. Well, for one, they are giving me drugs, to make me feel loopy. Never turn down drugs ( now kids, I don't mean fun recreational drugs, oh wait, drugs are not fun!!! Never fun) Just, when the doctor is there, and wants to make you feel warm and fuzzy, let him. The second reason, is they are harvesting eggs. There are eggs in there. Well, hopefully there are eggs in there. Random cases of no eggs retrieved have been reported, but by golly, I believe there are 6 beautiful eggs, just waiting to be introduced to donor number %^$#. ( sorry for all the symbols, but to protect the identity of the anonymous donor, I won't reveal his number) He is not completely hidden, but I am not allowed to try and find him. Only my child can when he/she turns 18.
I'm so much in awe of what these doctors and nurses do. They study for years, and then they practice getting better at their field. The human body is such a wondrous thing.
I am a firm believer in Science, but I am an even firmer believer in the Creator of all things, God. I, deep in my soul and heart, know that he gives people talents. So when people say, "If God wanted you to get pregnant, or have a child, you will". I agree, but sometimes everyone needs a little help. He has given me that, by the team I've come to know over the past 8 months. I'm thankful for all of them. I'll be even more thankful, if we have success and there is a baby or two. Now, if there are 3 babies, I might not send them any Christmas cards. I'll be in shock for one, and broke forever. :)
So, for my surgery the nurse told me to bring my music and have a playlist. I've really had fun putting it together, and all my friends on facebook helped. You have to have fun with life. Every day, you need to laugh and smile. Every day, you should try and make someone else laugh and smile. So, here is my playlist:
Pregnant Women are Smug~Garfunkel and Oates
Black Water~The Doobie Brothers
Baby Got Back~Sir Mix-A-Lot
All That She Wants~Ace of Base
Find My Baby for Me~Roy Orbison & Sonny Burgess
Baby Likes to Rock It~The Tractors
Wildest Moments~Jessie Ware
I Say a Little Prayer~Aretha Franklin
You Are~Lionel Ritchie(feat Blake Shelton)
Baby~ Justin Bieber
I Got the Feeling~James Brown
Baby Come Back~Player
Baby, You're Right~James Brown
Be My Baby~The Ronettes
Don't Worry Baby~The Beach Boys
Baby Be Mine~Michael Jackson
Keep You Safe~JJ Heller
The Very Thought of You~JJ Heller
The Baby~Blake Shelton
Boogie Child~Bee Gees
Here I am Baby~The Marvelettes
This is the Day~Laura Story
Wait Til You See My Smile~Alicia Keys
Baby Mine~SHeDAISY
Baby, Baby, Baby~ Aretha Franklin
Back in Time~Back in Time
I'll leave everyone with the funniest of the songs, and a cute video to boot.
I'm so much in awe of what these doctors and nurses do. They study for years, and then they practice getting better at their field. The human body is such a wondrous thing.
I am a firm believer in Science, but I am an even firmer believer in the Creator of all things, God. I, deep in my soul and heart, know that he gives people talents. So when people say, "If God wanted you to get pregnant, or have a child, you will". I agree, but sometimes everyone needs a little help. He has given me that, by the team I've come to know over the past 8 months. I'm thankful for all of them. I'll be even more thankful, if we have success and there is a baby or two. Now, if there are 3 babies, I might not send them any Christmas cards. I'll be in shock for one, and broke forever. :)
So, for my surgery the nurse told me to bring my music and have a playlist. I've really had fun putting it together, and all my friends on facebook helped. You have to have fun with life. Every day, you need to laugh and smile. Every day, you should try and make someone else laugh and smile. So, here is my playlist:
Pregnant Women are Smug~Garfunkel and Oates
Black Water~The Doobie Brothers
Baby Got Back~Sir Mix-A-Lot
All That She Wants~Ace of Base
Find My Baby for Me~Roy Orbison & Sonny Burgess
Baby Likes to Rock It~The Tractors
Wildest Moments~Jessie Ware
I Say a Little Prayer~Aretha Franklin
You Are~Lionel Ritchie(feat Blake Shelton)
Baby~ Justin Bieber
I Got the Feeling~James Brown
Baby Come Back~Player
Baby, You're Right~James Brown
Be My Baby~The Ronettes
Don't Worry Baby~The Beach Boys
Baby Be Mine~Michael Jackson
Keep You Safe~JJ Heller
The Very Thought of You~JJ Heller
The Baby~Blake Shelton
Boogie Child~Bee Gees
Here I am Baby~The Marvelettes
This is the Day~Laura Story
Wait Til You See My Smile~Alicia Keys
Baby Mine~SHeDAISY
Baby, Baby, Baby~ Aretha Franklin
Back in Time~Back in Time
I'll leave everyone with the funniest of the songs, and a cute video to boot.
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