IVF is scheduled.

Well, we have tentative plans.  You all know how plans work though.  :)  The doctors will officially take over my body around the end of this month.  They will put me on birth control and take over my cycles.  The next big appointment is scheduled for the end of October, where they will run a battery of tests.  If all goes well, I'm scheduled to begin the heavy doses of medication on the 24th of November.  I'm really lucky that someone dropped out of this November cycle.  If not, I would have had to wait until January.  I'm not that patient.

So, I have a few months to focus on something other than babies.  So far, I'm not doing so well.  No energy and I think I'm slightly depressed.  Not positive, but if I could sleep, that is what I would be doing.  My goal is to get back out and pound the pavement, and get in the gym and lift some weights.  Maybe drop 10 or 15 pounds before I go through this next step.

I'll try to get some positive and funny blogs out.  Maybe tell some old stories.  It's time for some laughs.

Official

After the most fantastic Friday night with 50 or so of my closest friends, I woke up to AF showing her ugly face. So it's official that my fourth IUI cycle failed, and I will now be moving on to IVF.

I'm having a pity party today on my couch. :) it's hard because I honestly thought I would be pregnant by now. It's been an emotional past several months, and I have nothing to show for it. Now I'm getting close to the end of this journey and I'm scared that it won't work.

Update.

Well, it's not looking good for the home team.  Negative pregnancy tests :(  Just waiting for AF to show her bitchy self, and then we move on.

I'm not going to be too upset.  Ok, going to try and not be that upset.  This weekend, is bringing in old friends, to Lawton.  I'm going to eat, drink and be merry.  Lot's of laughter is in store.  Once everyone is gone, I can get a good cry in.  Then it's time for the next step.  IVF 

I'm ready.  It's what has to be done, and I'm going to just take it day by day.  Yes, I'm scared.  I'm on the last step of this process.  But, I'm hopeful and optimistic. 

The waiting game

I'm right in the middle of the waiting game.  Day 6 post IUI.  Time is going by so slowly.  If I could quit looking at the clock, that would be great.  Add on, lack of sleep and the inability to sleep once night falls, and it is a recipe for Crazy.  Like I need any help.

Been trying to be more active, but have honestly had no energy.  Yoga last night was great, it always is.  But the running is what I miss.  I've been trying to get out there, and have even laid out my clothes.  But when that alarm clock goes off, and I've had a couple of hours of sleep, I hit snooze and finally fall into a sleep that lasts a couple more hours.  ARGH

Work is going well.  Staying busy, which is always good in the Construction industry.  Lining up more jobs, that will take us into the next couple of years.

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer.

And if you can stand 6.5 minutes of blabber.. Watch the video below...

Last IUI cycle.

So this is it, last chance at the easy ones.  Can't believe it's 4 times already.  Well, it will be on Thursday morning.  I have to once again, stay up tonight, then jab a super huge (tiny) needle in my belly, to help mother nature along.  Then it's time for the longest two week wait known to man.  Seriously, if you want time to slow down, hang out with me for the next couple of weeks.  Should know if it worked Labor Day Weekend.  If it doesn't work, then we are moving on to an IVF cycle.

The doctor and I spoke at length today about my options.  He agreed that we should just move to IVF if this doesn't work.  He was candid in his opinion on my odds.  With my age and poor ovarian reserve, there is a high chance of a cancelled cycle.  Which means, after aggressively pumping my body full of drugs, they will cancel the cycle before surgery, because of me not responding to the drugs, or them not seeing enough follicles with eggs.  Even if they go in, he doesn't expect to get more than 8 eggs.  With that said, the general rule of thumb is, half of those eggs might be good, then after all the magic they work, half of those might turn to blastocyst stage and be ready to implant.  So a good estimate would be 2 blastocyst ready for transfer, if I'm lucky.

So that's where we stand.  What we are all hoping for, praying for, begging for, pleading for, wishing for and believing in is, The 4th times the charm!!!

Long week!

Day four of the Clomid.  Almost through this week.  Woke up this morning and stepped outside, was met with the most wonderful cool breeze.  How refreshing it was to feel some coolness to the morning.  I sure hope it is like that, for my 2.5 mile run in the morning.  I felt a little hope swell up inside.

I haven't been taking care of myself the past couple of months.  Started eating horrible.  Not just once a day, but several times and most days of the week.  Didn't cook for myself for at least a couple of weeks.  Not a good thing at all.  Yesterday, I went to Yoga for the first time in a long time, and was reminded to treat myself with love and understanding.  I've been so angry about my failed attempts at getting pregnant, that I was literally shoving food down my throat.  My reasoning, is what does it matter?  I started drinking a little more, not much but maybe once a week.  With that though, I also gave in to my old habit of smoking.  How freaking insane am I?  Now, I'm not smoking, just had a few lapses in judgement.  I'm not that girl anymore.  I want to be healthy and beautiful and free from the old demons.  It didn't help that I had hurt myself running.  Between all the medication headaches and hot flashes, working out just became something I used to do.  That has to stop.  Even if it's only a light workout, I need it to feel normal.  I miss the way I feel, after getting all sweaty and pushing myself to my limit.  Holding a yoga pose and feeling the energy move through my body.  Running with a steady cadence and not feeling like I want to puke.

I hope everyone remembers to love yourself.  You are worth it!