Long week!

Day four of the Clomid.  Almost through this week.  Woke up this morning and stepped outside, was met with the most wonderful cool breeze.  How refreshing it was to feel some coolness to the morning.  I sure hope it is like that, for my 2.5 mile run in the morning.  I felt a little hope swell up inside.

I haven't been taking care of myself the past couple of months.  Started eating horrible.  Not just once a day, but several times and most days of the week.  Didn't cook for myself for at least a couple of weeks.  Not a good thing at all.  Yesterday, I went to Yoga for the first time in a long time, and was reminded to treat myself with love and understanding.  I've been so angry about my failed attempts at getting pregnant, that I was literally shoving food down my throat.  My reasoning, is what does it matter?  I started drinking a little more, not much but maybe once a week.  With that though, I also gave in to my old habit of smoking.  How freaking insane am I?  Now, I'm not smoking, just had a few lapses in judgement.  I'm not that girl anymore.  I want to be healthy and beautiful and free from the old demons.  It didn't help that I had hurt myself running.  Between all the medication headaches and hot flashes, working out just became something I used to do.  That has to stop.  Even if it's only a light workout, I need it to feel normal.  I miss the way I feel, after getting all sweaty and pushing myself to my limit.  Holding a yoga pose and feeling the energy move through my body.  Running with a steady cadence and not feeling like I want to puke.

I hope everyone remembers to love yourself.  You are worth it!

And the cycle begins again.

Clomid begins tomorrow!!!! YAY   Where in the hell is the sarcasm font when you really need it?  Looks like we are going for IUI number 4.  While I'm up there next week, for some poking and prodding, we will schedule a consultation to discuss options, if this one doesn't take.

I'm tired.  Everything in my life right now, revolves around drugs, shots, ultrasounds... I'm trying to train for the Spirit of Survival, and the heat plus the drugs, is not working out too well.  Thinking I need to just suck it up and run, but it's tough.  Everything seems tougher right now.  I know it's a build up of the drugs and my stupid hormones added with the negative pregnancy tests.  I'm really tired of being unhappy.  Everyone who knows me, knows I love to laugh and have fun, and it doesn't seem to be going on right now.  Life is passing me by because I just don't want to participate right now.  I just want to stay locked up inside, where the issues don't seem as bad.  No conversations about babies, or lack of babies I should say.

I'll try and get out some uplifting blogs soon, PROMISE!!  Maybe the Clomid this time, will make me unusually happy, instead of bitchy.  What?  It could happen!!