Negative results part 3

Well, here we go again.  Negative on the pregnancy test.  Not going to lie and tell you how great I feel or how everything is peachy.  It's not.  I'm sad, angry, disappointed and every other negative feeling you can come up with.  I feel fat, tired and beat up.  Sleep has been severely lacking this week.  I'm emotional to the point of laughing instead of crying.  This heat makes me want to move to the North Pole. 

I'm not sure what the next step will be.  Waiting on that bitch AF to show up, so I can call the doctor and see what he wants me to do.  Whatever his suggestion, is what I will do.  So it may be another IUI cycle with injectables, or he may say IVF. 

Hoping that this next step will put me in a better place.  I just feel I'm reaching a point of breaking.  Hopefully good news is on the horizon.

You only get one chance at life.

Anger is not an attractive trait.  I was ugly for a lot of years.  I blamed everyone else for my problems, or my lack of happiness.  I drank too much, smoked too much, stayed out late too much.  I chased after a life that I was incapable of actually living.  I definitely tried to control everything. 

Life is a learning process, and hopefully you catch on fast.  Because you see, there are no do overs.  Age has taught me to let things go and to go with the flow.  Sure, there are still days where I'm very ugly, but other days, I feel as free as a bird.

I'm hurting today for so many hurts that I caused unknowingly, to those I love the most.  Maybe there should have been more "Sorrys" said by me.  More heartfelt, I don't know.  But it's the past and it's time to move on.  You can't continue to carry the burden of yesterday, with the weight of your life today.