42 days until I return to Ireland. 42 days seems so far away, and yet, I know it will be here in an instant. I'm trying to stay focused on those numbers and not the other numbers, that are quietly ticking off in the back of my mind. 34 days and I would have been a mother. For everyday that I get closer to Ireland, I'm reminded of why I'm going. For everyday in the gym, and each day my stomach gets flatter, I'm reminded of what my belly should look like. For every baby, that has been born this summer, I'm reminded that it won't be mine. For every announcement that someone is pregnant, I'm reminded that I'm not.
I'm literally all over the place with my emotions. It's an hourly thing and it sucks. I can be having the best day, and it's shattered by a song, a memory, a thought, a hope.
I knew that this summer would arrive, and I knew that it would be tough. I'm doing the best I can to get through each day, with hope and gratitude of where I am and all that I have. I'm thankful for each one of my friends, who has thought of me, and reached out. You guys mean the world to me.
42 days, tick tock goes the clock.
