I don't even know where to begin this blog post. I've been reading up on IVF over the weekend, and I'm not sure if it makes me feel better, or if I am dreading it more. Of course, both books I read, ended in the great news, that they were successful.
I'm just not myself anymore. To be honest, not really sure who I am. I feel very selfish at times, with the only thing on my mind is me and what is going on. It's not that I don't care about anyone, but honestly, I can't process everything. My hormones have been out of whack, since that very first Clomid pill. And now that I'm not on anything, I feel even worse. There have been so many dark days, that I'm not sure the sun shines for me. I'm going through the motions right now. Fake it until you make it, is what they say.
I guess, I'm just scared. Everyone says don't worry, it will work, or things will be ok... yeah yeah I know. But there is a huge chance it won't work. How long will it take me to feel whole? How long before Starr comes back? Right now I'm in a holding pattern, and I don't feel like I'm doing anything. Wake up, sleep, eat, try not to cry and repeat. About the only thing I do enjoy, is drinking and laughing, but even then, that "fake" fun ends. I come home alone (most of the time) <<< sorry, I still have a little bit of Starr hiding inside me, jokes, the girl has jokes>>>>>
Just a blog to blog. Get out some feelings of blah and whatever else there is hiding.
