Things are actually better than the title represents. And at the same time, they are worse. Gym time is amazing, and I can't wait to post the before and after photos. I'm amazed at the changes that are happening. Still some stressful fires burning, but there is nothing I can do about those but wait, and stay strong until we have an answer.
The Ugh, is because of this weekend. It's Mother's Day on Sunday, and the posts are already starting. I won't even try to lie, and say I haven't thought about it a million times, because I have. I just attended 3 baby showers, in the past two weeks. I'm reminded daily, that I'm not a mom. That's the truth, and it sucks. It sucks everyday. It doesn't suck as bad as it did in late January, but it's still there. Truthfully, it will always be a part of my soul. I sometimes wonder if the longing will go away. There are days, when I'm so thankful to be single, and able to do what I want. But, it's all I know. Maybe this is my blessing/curse. Who knows how I'll feel, when I'm old and gray. I've put the baby pursuit on hold for now. I don't know if I'll try again. I'm just not ready yet, and there are days when I think, I never will be. It's not set in stone, or my final answer, but for today it is. I'm taking it one day at a time, and trying to just live my life.
For all the mothers, Happy Mother's day.
I feel the same way. Although I haven't taken the brave steps to make it happen for myself either. At the end of the day I do enjoy being able to go home after work and take a nap or just to sit and do nothing. My friends tell me there is plenty of time and that I'm still young. Truth be told...I'm 38, time is NOT on my side and do I really want to be the mother at my kids graduation with other kids whose grandparents are my age? You were pregnant...so basically you are a mom as far as I'm concerned so HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. I tell my sister every year and we both know how that ended =)Love you Starr! ~Lisa H.
ReplyDeleteListen to your friend Starr...You are a mother. You know the heartache of having loved and lost. It is a horrible thing but then again...a blessing in disguise. Your mother still loves you and you still have an amazing outlook on life despite the negative set-backs lately. You have other kids you can love and leave and never have to worry about them. The truth is...I will be happy if you do or don't have children. Some people just have to carry the burden of babysitting and being able to say good-bye to the kids. For me, having a baby now, after all I know about you kids, would be horrible. I have had my share of heartache and it never goes away. When you hurt, I hurt. You are blessed not to have any more pain that the lack of pain in the long run. Love runs so deep with children. Worry begins the moment you give birth and continues until you leave this earth. God bless you dear sweet Starr baby. You are a Star and I love you no matter your choice. You will love another child in your life and it will come as no surprise to me when you do. There is one out there who needs your love and you will be the only one to fill that void in their life. God has a plan for you and you are going to find it. I love you...now listen to your friend and have a Happy Mother's Day. Be blessed. Yo Momma
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