Half way there.

I can't believe it. Finished up my stim shots about an hour ago.  I can remember receiving them in the mail, and wondering how in the world I would ever make it.  Well, it's over.  Pretty sure that's the easy part.  There is actually one more shot at 11 p.m.  It is the HCG trigger shot.  So, it gets the ball rolling.  I'm scheduled for surgery Wednesday morning.  I'm excited, for surgery.  Well, for one, they are giving me drugs, to make me feel loopy.  Never turn down drugs ( now kids, I don't mean fun recreational drugs, oh wait, drugs are not fun!!! Never fun)  Just, when the doctor is there, and wants to make you feel warm and fuzzy, let him.  The second reason, is they are harvesting eggs.  There are eggs in there.  Well, hopefully there are eggs in there.  Random cases of no eggs retrieved have been reported, but by golly, I believe there are 6 beautiful eggs, just waiting to be introduced to donor number %^$#.  ( sorry for all the symbols, but to protect the identity of the anonymous donor, I won't reveal his number)  He is not completely hidden, but I am not allowed to try and find him.  Only my child can when he/she turns 18.

I'm so much in awe of what these doctors and nurses do.  They study for years, and then they practice getting better at their field.  The human body is such a wondrous thing.

I am a firm believer in Science, but I am an even firmer believer in the Creator of all things, God.  I, deep in my soul and heart, know that he gives people talents.  So when people say, "If God wanted you to get pregnant, or have a child, you will".  I agree, but sometimes everyone needs a little help.  He has given me that, by the team I've come to know over the past 8 months.  I'm thankful for all of them.  I'll be even more thankful, if we have success and there is a baby or two.  Now, if there are 3 babies, I might not send them any Christmas cards.  I'll be in shock for one, and broke forever.  :)

So, for my surgery the nurse told me to bring my music and have a playlist.  I've really had fun putting it together, and all my friends on facebook helped.  You have to have fun with life.  Every day, you need to laugh and smile.  Every day, you should try and make someone else laugh and smile.  So, here is my playlist:

Pregnant Women are Smug~Garfunkel and Oates
Black Water~The Doobie Brothers
Baby Got Back~Sir Mix-A-Lot
All That She Wants~Ace of Base
Find My Baby for Me~Roy Orbison &  Sonny Burgess
Baby Likes to Rock It~The Tractors
Wildest Moments~Jessie Ware
I Say a Little Prayer~Aretha Franklin
You Are~Lionel Ritchie(feat Blake Shelton)
Baby~ Justin Bieber
I Got the Feeling~James Brown
Baby Come Back~Player
Baby, You're Right~James Brown
Be My Baby~The Ronettes
Don't Worry Baby~The Beach Boys
Baby Be Mine~Michael Jackson
Keep You Safe~JJ Heller
The Very Thought of You~JJ Heller
The Baby~Blake Shelton
Boogie Child~Bee Gees
Here I am Baby~The Marvelettes
This is the Day~Laura Story
Wait Til You See My Smile~Alicia Keys
Baby Mine~SHeDAISY
Baby, Baby, Baby~ Aretha Franklin
Back in Time~Back in Time

I'll leave everyone with the funniest of the songs, and a cute video to boot.

I love needles

I'm hoping this works.  You should just be able to hit one of the arrows on the box, and I should pop up.  But we all know that technology, doesn't always work.  I'm about to crawl in bed for my early morning wake up and more doctor's appointments.  I really don't mind, as long as they keep telling me good news. 

Good Stuff

It's been a few days.  I was going to try and blog every night, but the exhaustion has been incredible.  I'm 7 days in to Stims, and I'm feeling pretty good.  I've had some crazy bruising on my belly.  Do not keep stabbing yourself in the same spot.  Duly noted!

Wednesday was my first doctor's appointment with Ultrasound.  Feeling nervous would be the understatement.  Good news!  I couldn't believe it, and at the same time, I expected it.  6 Follicles growing.  4 on the right and 2 on the left.  There are some smaller antral follicles, but they were about half the size of the growing follies.  The doctor said he was pleased with the progress, so we continue on with the same dosage.  They drew some blood and I floated out the door.  :)  I had to race across town to the Heart Hospital, because my dad did not listen to me, when I told him, this was to be a stress free time for me.  How dare he need some attention.  :)  His doctor came out, and continued with the theme of good news.  He needed a stent replaced, and he is going to be back to his ornery self.  :)  He's home and I couldn't be happier.  Even though he cheated, with the wishbone debacle, my wish came true.  His heart and life are what's most important to me.

Friday, next doctor's appointment.  After the excitement of Wednesday and all the good news, I did not have a good feeling.  The exhaustion and lack of sleep, had me feeling bitchy and mean.  But, I went anyway :)  The first words out of the doctor's mouth were, "your ovaries really like this medication".  I wanted to lay there and cry.  Those words meant the world to me.  Yes, there are still so many things that have to go right.  Like having good eggs for one, but each day that bears good news, is one step closer to realizing my dream.  My blood work came back wonderful as well.

So here we sit on a Saturday morning, looking around at my house.  For the first time, I'm starting to allow myself to envision toys strewn about the room, chaos and the laughter and crying of a baby.  For years and years and years, that has always just been a thought, but never did I think that it would happen.  I'm trying really hard not to get overly excited, but you have to have hope.  And if I'm being honest, my Faith is starting to grow a little each day.

Feeling Ok

About to head in and take my shots for the evening. Feeling ok, my stomach is pretty tender, but not horrible. Having this time over the holiday, to relax and not needing to be anywhere, has made this much easier to deal with. Tomorrow though, starts the hectic back and forth to Dr's appointments in the City. There are many other things happening this week, that are pulling my emotions in different ways. Please keep my family in your prayers.

First day of Stims

Just finished stabbing myself in the stomach 3 times.  Sounds like fun, huh?  No, ah come on.  It wasn't that bad.  Actually called my dad and talked to him for two of them.  He was like, "just do it already, 1,2 stick".  So softly supportive, NOT  :)  Thank goodness though.  Sometimes you just need the "man up" pep talk.  Before I called him, was listening to some slow Christian music.  Now, I'm not saying it wasn't good, but I'm already weepy, and it was not making me smile, if you know what I mean.  The two new drugs, burned a little.  Nothing like fire in my belly, but they were definitely a little more.  I'm a little anxious sitting here, waiting for my body to do strange stuff.  It probably won't, and it will have all been in my mind, which is great.

The needles are all small, but it is just a weird thing, to self inject.  The middle, is a really cool contraption, but the first time you use anything, it can be a little daunting.  But I made it.  Yay

Before I mixed my vials and got the shots ready, I made myself a cheese, fruit and cracker tray.  Bought three new cheeses and am really happy.  One of them tastes like caramel.  It pairs well with celery.  And because I was a nervous wreck about the shots, I made my plate with love.

Don't forget to love yourself.

Day 2 of IVF protocol

Well, I'm alive.  :)  I can't believe it's finally here.  It seems like this year has gone by so slowly, with the four failed IUIs, back and forth trips to the City, the up and down roller coaster ride that came with that.  But at the same time, this week seemed to just sneak up on me all the same.  It started on Tuesday, when my box of drugs arrived.  I had been so excited, then I opened the box.  The most overwhelming feeling hit me.  So hard to put into words, the despair that I felt.  It was like I wasn't me anymore.  Those drugs, what were they doing with my name on them.  Why was this happening to me? 

As you can see, the box was filled to the brim.  The point of no return was here.

So, Thanksgiving started the injections.  The needles for this first phase are really small.  They shouldn't hurt, and they don't physically.  It's the mental aspect, that is messing with me.  Every time I stick that needle in my belly, I'm reminded of why I'm going through this.  For everyone that knows me, I'm the most upbeat positive person, but this makes me feel like a failure.  Now, I know I'm not a failure, but it's funny what your mind can do to you.  Being alone in this is difficult.  It is the biggest learning experience.  I'm stronger than what I thought, and at the same time, it makes me long for someone to be strong for me, so I can be weak for just a moment.  I'd like to be able to breathe, and know that everything is going to be ok. 

My normally beautiful cookie display table, now looks like a doctor's office.  I left a few fruits up there, so it's not completely clinical.  :)

I even tried taking a picture from a different angle, and it still looks scary. 

So, day two and tomorrow starts the Stimulation drugs.  One shot in the morning and three shots in the evening.  I'm experiencing a little woozy and a pretty constant headache.  Hoping no more side effects sneak up on me.  I think there will be bloating and some swollen belly issues, that seems to be pretty constant in all the blogs that I've read.  It doesn't have to be that way though, so maybe just maybe, I'll be the exception.  Do you know how hard it is to keep your mind occupied?  I just watched the movie Brave, and cried.  Come on, it's animated.  So, I'm going to watch American Horror Story, maybe that will help.  I'll try to get a blog out each day.  Maybe that will help, by getting my thoughts out there.  I can tell you, I'm scared.  If I'm being honest with myself, and with all of y'all, I'm scared.  Of course I believe that this will work, if I didn't, I would not be going through this.  It's all going to be worth it!!!

I have an Official Calendar.

I know, I know, it's only a piece of paper, but what it tells me is exciting.  Ok, a little scary too, but I'm so ready.  Will try to keep up with blogging and letting you know what's going on.  Return to the Doctor in a week for another ultrasound to make sure the Birth Control is doing it's job.  Then back on the 21st for a blood test and ultrasound.  If everything looks good and the numbers come back, I'll start my meds on Thanksgiving.  The first couple of days aren't too bad, a shot in the morning and a shot in the evening.  On the third day, we introduce two more shots in.  That will go on until day 12, as long as my body is responding well.  Then the fun happens.  Hopefully my body produces lots of eggs, and they'll go in and retrieve them.  After 3 or 5 days, the ultimate goal, is to have several mature embryos, and they'll put them back in.  Only a couple of weeks waiting time.  I'll take a pregnancy test on Christmas Day.

Of course the above outline, is if everything goes according to plan.  So, pray for everything to go perfect!