This post has been running through my mind for a couple of weeks. By no means, has it ever truly been far from my thoughts. I'm a planner. I know, I know, how does that work with being a procrastinator too? I don't have an answer, but it has always just been that way. When I was a child, there was an ordered chaos, that I orchestrated. When it was time to leave the house, I would ask my mother, "do you have your keys, your purse, my food, the program, the directions, etc". I absolutely HATE being late, to anything. Time is something to me, that is equal for everyone. Your time is worth exactly what my time is worth. If you are late meeting me, I take offense to it. Yes, there are circumstances that happen, things we can't control, and sometimes you are late. But as a rule, I'm the type of person, that already prepares for being late, so I'm actually super early when nothing catastrophic happens. Every day I wake up, and I mentally plan out my day. Working out, work, food and then down time. Yes, down time, reading a book or watching TV is in my plan. It's my day, I can do what I want. Having a plan, keeps me from getting bored and doing something stupid, like drinking too much :)
Now, it's been brought to my attention, that once I have kids, all the planning goes out the window, and you just "Do". Awesome! Great! I'll plan for that then. You see, you can always be prepared. Knowing that I won't be able to plan, only gives me time now, to plan for the times, that I won't be able to plan for then. You can be sure, that I'll have all kinds of diaper bags, prepared for just those times. I'll have spares of things, stashed around town at friend's houses, the office, the car, mom's, dads.... see the list goes on. I'll be prepared, for the unexpected. Being prepared will allow me to go with the flow.
Wow, this blog was not even about what I wanted it to be about. But, it works. Guess I'll keep it and work on the next one, which is still about planning. More about plans, but really about being included in plans, and informed of things.
Yes, Dallas got the "Hippie Asthetic" part of my personality and you got the "Mother" part. You have always planned and had me doing things a week in advance. You have continued to be thoughtful by making sure everyone around you was "Notified" of any event and "Thought" (like this blog)of what you Were and Are planning to do even if it went to the extent of telling me you were planning to plan. Dallas and I were lost when you left the house. He nor I had a clue what we needed and usually had to go back to the house for reasons of "Forgetting Something Again". With that said, I applaud your planning and wish I had it in me but my plans were only to give birth to you and from there, you took the lead at age 2. I am more than sure, after you have a baby, you will forget something at some time but rest assured nobody will ever hear about it. You are a perfectionist in this respect. Keep on planning because look at all of the things you have done in this life that others could not plan. I believe anyone with any sense at all would be jealous of the planning part of your personality. You are quite capable of planning out a birth and executing your own formula as to when and where you will be and make all of us aware of it because why? That My Dear Is Who YOU are. You are right when you say, "I can plan to plan". You can pull it off with ease and you have proven that more than anyone I have known in my life. Keep on planning and know this, I wish I could plan but plans scare me. I have to fly by the seat of my pants as the Hippie kicks in and any plans become "Impending Doom". Even a doctor's appt. scares me because I am fearful of missing it. Hate Planning! When you have a baby you will have the ability to notify everyone you want to show up. I will be there. Hope I am invited, know I will be, know you will plan it that way and for that, I am proud. You will make a wonderful mother. You will be the bestest mother in the world. You are awesome and have 5 perfect little toes and fingers on each hand. I planned that you know. Here it is in a nutshell; Not everyone is as smart as you! Love you little girl. Now, go take your medicine, get your book and lie down as I am sure you are tired. Love you, your Mother!
ReplyDeleteOf course you will be invited. Honestly, that is what I'm enjoying the most about this journey. I'm already planning how I will tell you and dad and everyone, that I'm expecting. Can't do it just any old way, and the I get nervous thinking, what if it doesn't happen. :) Then I start planning again. Yes, people will get tired of all my "invites". Thank you Mammie for reminding me that "I am who I am" and that you love me all the same. Even if I am "me".
DeleteMy Dear Starr, of course you are a planner. I planned on having you in my life. You are exactly what a daughter should be. Ferocious, strong willed with the ability to speak your mind and the knowledge to do so with kindness. But more than anything you have the integrity to admit your wrongs and make amends and the honesty to not do so when you are in the right.What your Mother has said is so true. You had no choice but to be who you are. With a Mom and Dad who battled each other just for the privilege to raise you but also a Mom and Dad who every night when we look to the heavens think of you. A shinning Starr.
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