Back to the grind

The devil hormones have subsided!  Thank goodness.  It's honestly one of the worst parts of the IVF process.  For me anyway.  I walked around crying and moody.  On Sunday, I started feeling a little better, like the fog was lifting.  Now here it's Thursday and I feel great.  Been to the gym the past few days, the fridge has been cleaned out and restocked with things that are not chocolate :)

I'm really feeling good.  Sure, I'm a little bummed, but life is what it is.  All of these things that I've gone through are part of me.  Good and bad they add up to the sum of me.  I love me.  I love my life for what it is.  Yes, I want some different things (children, a man, a million dollars) but I'm also very comfortable with what I have and who I am. 

Thank you friends for reaching out.  And also thank you to those who kept their distance.  I'm blessed beyond measure. 

Let's finish out this year with a bang and see what the New Year holds.  The big 40 happens in January and I think it's going to be my best year yet.

A few pictures of my journey.

I

Somedays it's hard to believe I've actually done all the things I have. When you make a decision to try IVF, time stands still and then it's over. I look back and wonder how I stabbed a needle into my belly 42 times in 11 days. The following pictures are what your belly turns into. 

I was lucky that there weren't as many bruises this time, but there were still a few. It literally starts swelling and you just try not to stab yourself in the same spot. 

I always try to wear something crazy and fun. When you are faced with uncertainty I think laughter is the way you face life. 

Yes, the shirt says "let's make babies". I will wear it for round 3. 

Until next time... Thank you everyone for the texts, the phone calls. They really do make me smile. 

A bust.

BFN... Dreaded words. Big fucking negative. Weeks of daily shots, my stomach is swollen, the PIO (progesterone in oil) makes your body think it's pregnant. Your boobs swell, your emotions go crazy. It's a kick in the teeth really. So now that I don't have to take the PIO, it will take a few days and then my period will come, but not just any old period, but one that is the slap in the face reminder that you aren't pregnant. I'm already cramping and I see a lot of chocolate in my future. 

10dp3dt

Catching up over the past 4 or 5 days.

7dp3dt (7 days past 3 day transfer) No symptoms and BFN (Big Fucking Negative) on the pregnancy test.  Still early because it is only 10 days past ovulation.  Not feeling as optimistic

8dp3dt.  No symptoms and another BFN on the pregnancy test.  Last time when I was pregnant, my test was showing positive at this point.

9dp3dt.  No symptoms and BFN on the test.  Optimism is fading quickly

And today, Monday morning, a BFN on the pregnancy test.  10dp3dt, which is 10 days past transfer and 13 days past ovulation.  I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.  Humans only have a certain window in which the embryo will implant in the uterus and start secreting HCG, the pregnancy hormone.  I go in on Wednesday for my Blood test, which I fear will only confirm that this try failed.

I'm absolutely gutted, heartbroken and every other word imaginable for being in pain.  Knowing the odds are stacked against me really didn't change the hope and want.  I honestly thought this would be the time.  All that said, I'm a realist, and I'm not shocked it didn't work.  To be completely honest, I've come to expect all the sadness and heartbreak that comes with being me.  Not many things have ever really gone in my favor.  You can look at my love life as a prime example.  Yes, there are many things that I'm successful at, just not the things that I long for.

So, I'm going to need a little time, and then I'll come back stronger and try to figure out what my next step is.  I may give it one more shot.  At this point, the money doesn't matter.  I'll take out a loan to try again.  And please, don't ask if I've thought about adoption.

6dp3dt

I POAS (peed on a stick)   why???  It's so early, and it is just torture.  Anyway, BFN (Big Freaking Negative).  Last time, there was a faint line, so I thought maybe just maybe.  But I wasn't sad when I saw no pregnancy.  I know it's early, and I should have just waited.  :)  Today is only 6dp3dt (6 days past 3 day transfer) and it is 9dpO (9 days past Ovulation).  Super duper early to test.

I'm really trying to not devour all the information on the internet, but honestly it helps calm me.  Through this process for the second time, I'm reminded of just how blessed I am.  Even if I don't become a mother, I have such a full and happy life.  Yes, I want to be a mother and pass along my crazy wisdom, but if it doesn't happen, I will adjust my sails and continue to live.  I will laugh again and often.

5dp3dt

One week until my Beta.  I'm going slightly crazy.  I'm super emotional, but that is definitely the PIO (progesterone in oil)  Let me tell you about this shot.  It is thick and goes in a little slow.  1 1/2 needle stuck into the thick of my backside, closer to the hip.  If you ever need shots, you need my friend Erin.  Honestly, she is a godsend.  Not only is she super positive, she just makes you smile.  When she gets off work, she either comes to my house or on her off days I go out and see her and her peeps (Stacy and Saxon).  We are one week in, of what hopefully turns into 7 more weeks.  But I must tell you, you have to keep a close eye on her.  She stabbed me with the big needle.  The 18gauge and not 22gauge.  Felt that one a little bit.

I'm trying to stay busy, but it's hard when I can't really do anything physical.  I want to go work out so bad.  Fingers crossed I see a positive pregnancy test, the blood test comes back positive and I'm cleared to work out again. 

A few pictures

The machine I get to know very well. 

Big Box of fun. 

$3000 dollars worth of meds. 

3dp3dt

3 days past the three day transfer. 72 hours.  One or more of those embryo could be hatching out and burrowing deep in the lining of my uterus. :)

I'm trying to laugh and stay positive. Nothing I can do at this point to change the outcome. I've done all I can in this journey to become a mother. I've been asked again if I have ever considered adoption. No offense, but I'm still working on biological children. If this doesn't work and I finally decide that I won't ever give birth, then I might entertain the thought. But it's not easy for a single woman to adopt. It's harder actually and a long process. Not to mention the money. Without getting into specifics, I've spent a nice chunk of change. I might take time to save and travel if this doesn't work. I don't honestly know what I'll do. Taking it one day at a time. 

3 embryo transfer

Holding a picture of my future babies :)

Bottom right is a 7 cell grade B, top right is a 12 cell grade B-, and the left is a 10 cell grade B. These beautiful embryos were transferred today. Now the dreaded 2ww (two week wait) begins. 

Day 2 eggs

Got the call yesterday afternoon.  The eggs are doing well.  Two 5 cell grade B, one 8 cell grade B and one 3 cell grade B-.  The 3 cell will probably not make it to transfer, and the 8 cell may burn out too fast also.  Still, the two 5 cell are looking good.

This go around has been much harder on my body.  I've been swollen to the point of not being able to walk.  Woke up today feeling a little more normal.

I'm about to leave for the City for my transfer.  They will tell me what the final grade on my eggs are.  Can't wait to see the picture of my potential baby(ies)  :)

5 good eggs

Got the call this morning at 8:30am.  I can't remember what she said but it was either "5 mature eggs and 4 fertilized" or it was "5 eggs, 4 mature and 4 fertilized".  Either way, I have 4 potential babies up there.  Last IVF only 3 eggs fertilized.  Now I just wait to hear how they are doing tomorrow.  I'm excited and nervous.  :)

Surgery day

4:00 am wake up call. Tara came and picked me up and off to the city we headed.

Notice the shirt...this was right before I was stabbed over and over trying to find a good vein. Not being allowed to drink water did not help the situation. :)

This picture is of the first jab. 

The one great thing about surgery is drugs. Propofol and versed. Those two together are amazing. I just wish I could lay there all day and keep getting dosed. Woke up feeling rested. 

5 eggs retrieved. Now the wait to hear if the eggs were mature and if they fertilized. I'm very excited and optimistic. 

Last day of shots

Last day of shots!!! Wahoo

Tonight I will give myself a double dose of menopur, the last drops of the follistim, Lupron and then I will do the HCG trigger at 8 pm. Tuesday morning at 7:00 they will retrieve the eggs. 

At this point I have five follicles. The sizes are 25,23,15,15 and a 14.  Fingers crossed the two large ones chill for the next 36 hours and they are able to harvest a just perfect egg from each one. We don't want hardboiled. 

Tomorrow I'll do payroll and end of month paperwork. I'll also try to get everything done so I can coast through the next 15 days. I haven't even bought a pregnancy test. Not going to test like I did last time. I'm trying to take a much more relaxed attitude. So far so good :) talk to me in a few days though. 

Almost done with stims

So it's been a long week. I started all the meds last Saturday. 4 shots a day, 1 in the morning and 3 at night. Lupron, Follistim and Menopur. On Wednesday I went in for first ultrasound. A few follicles had jumped out very quickly with a few small ones. Not good, so I was scheduled for a thursday ultrasound and more blood work. Returned Thursday and everything was still growing, but not as many follicles as my first cycle. Back on Friday, two large ones and two medium and one small. This morning, two large, two bigger medium and a small one very close to being ready. So, scheduled again for the morning and hopefully we can trigger and fingers crossed for 5 good perfect eggs. Emotionally I'm holding up ok. Physically, I've been better. I'm swollen, bruised and very tired. Waking up at 4:30 am is starting to make me crazy. I've had a headache every day and I stay queasy. I'm pretty hot-natured anyway, but all the hormones make me feel like I'm going through menopause. It will all be worth it in the end.....hopefully!

Day 2

Started the shots of Lupron yesterday.  10 amp morning and night.  The first shot wasn't so bad, but the second and third have been a doozy.  First off, I have a moderate amount of belly fat, which comes in quite handy for shots.  I managed to find and stab myself in a vein.  It hurts and then it bleeds and now I have a bruise.    :(              So then of course this morning I was nervous and stabbed myself without actually going all the way in.  So I had to stop, breathe and try again.  3 shots down 39 more stabs to go.

I've been off of Xanax now for 4 days.  Sleep is not easy nor is it continuous.  Emotionally I'm pretty sound.  Focused maybe is a better word.  Once I start the stims tomorrow, things could change.

I'm taking pictures, and at the end of this I'll just post one blog with all of them.

One week

I can't believe it's about to begin again.  So crazy how fast time goes.  The drugs are ready and will be shipped on Tuesday.  Monday morning is my baseline US (ultrasound), blood work and of course a urine sample.  I've been on birth control for almost 3 weeks, so the ovaries should be nice and sleepy.  I've been trying to get in the gym as much as possible.  Today was a much needed rest day.  I've been squatting like crazy and will attempt a PR next week.  I'll be able to work out again, but will have to wait for my ovaries to get smaller after the stims.

I'm really excited and optimistic.  I already know the bad side of IVF, maybe this time, I'll see the good side.

Can't wait to let everyone in on the secret, and man I hope when I post these blogs the outcome is in my favor.  Either way, the journey is what it is.  It's the story of my life and I hope to one day tell this story to my children.

Mammogram

Had my mammogram on the 1st of October.  Not only is it the time of year for me, but especially with the upcoming IVF, scheduled to begin on October 16th.  On the 3rd they called and said I needed to come back for an ultrasound.  My left breast was showing some changes.  We aren't too worried because I have started birth control, and hormones do strange things to your body.  I went this morning and had my US.  I'm a little nervous.  I'm staring at my phone willing them to call me with the results.  Patience Patience

I'm ten days out from the beginning of the drug protocol.  I've started reading up on IVF again.  Trying to read all the positive stories and keep myself calm.  It is a very weird experience to be truly doing this on my own.  Last time, I talked to a million people and posted a blog quite often.  People sent me messages and kept up with the process.  I'm much calmer this go around.  I know what to expect in a sense.  Hopefully my body responds to the medications the same way.  I had very few side effects last time and hope that stays the same.  My belly will swell and turn all different colors of the rainbow, there is no way around that.  Having more active follicles this time makes me a little nervous.  It would seem there might be more swelling and the possibility of over stimulation.

I've also started a cleaning binge.  Pre-nesting I suppose.  I'm preparing for this to work!!

Two weeks out.

So I'm writing a secret blog.  If you are reading this, then it is no longer secret.  I decided a few months back, that I wanted to try for a baby again.  Can you believe it?  Opened the mailbox one day to find a bill for sperm storage.  How did I forget I had sperm?  Anyway, that got my brain all fired up.  Over the following weeks, my mind kept going back and forth.  One day I was driving down the road when the most overwhelming feeling I've ever experienced came upon me.  I pulled over and called the doctor immediately.  It set the wheels in motion and I've been doing all the prep work since.  First it was blood work to determine my AMH number, which is the anti-mullerian hormone level. AMH blood levels are thought to reflect the size of the remaining egg supply.  Two years ago it was a .2, which was devastating news.  This time it was a .67, still low but I'll take it.  They also checked my FSH level, which was a 7.9.  Anything below a 9 is considered normal.  So we started with good news.

I have told basically no one.  There are only a few select people.  I want to keep this experience all to myself.  I apologize in advance to any family who may feel slighted.  I'm only trying to spare myself the extra stress knowing how much you want this for me too.

So yesterday October 1st, was my mock transfer.  Let's just say I was poked and jabbed for the better part of an hour.  Still in a little pain today, but it will all be worth it.  Not only are my blood work numbers up, but my antral follicle count is up as well.  If you remember from 2 years ago, the first doctor only counted 4 or 5 follicles total.  Then my present doctor counted 8 follicles just a month later.  Yesterday he counted 7-8 follicles on just one ovary.  The other ovary had 3 or 4.  This is 12 follicles before I've even started the stimulating meds.  To say I'm over the moon excited would be an understatement.  I'm trying not to get too far ahead, because every follicle doesn't necessarily produce an egg, but having a better shot at producing more than 6 eggs is just damn fucking fantastic.  < yes, I feel my use of the word is warranted.

So two weeks from today I will start with the shots in my stomach.  My doctor has decided to use the same drug protocol.  He said my body responded so well last time we should stick with what works.

I won't have to stop working out until 4 or 5 days into the meds, but I am going to miss my gym until I can get back.  I apologize now in advance to all of BDCF family.  You see, I will be faking an injury so no one knows what I am up to.  I love you guys and can't wait to be in there with my pregnant belly lifting weights again.  (that's the hope anyway)

Never say never.  Never give up.  You are always allowed to change your mind.  Go after what you want.  Make no apologies.

Mammogram and Ultra Sound results

Nothing like the phone call that says there are some changes on your mammogram, so let's schedule an ultrasound.

Nothing like waiting on the phone call to tell you the results from the ultrasound.

Thankfully I was given the all clear.  Just a cyst and I go back in a year.

I'm beyond relieved and thankful for the phone call with good news.  I know that every day someone receives the life changing call with bad news.  I thought of the many people I know who have received that call.  I have friends who are survivors.  My mom is a survivor.  My step-aunt is fighting at this very moment.  She will start chemo on Thursday after having a double mastectomy a month ago.  She too will be a survivor!!

Dating is highly overrated. :)

I'm seriously considering just staying single forever and ever.  Dating is the most horrible form of punishment.  At the beginning of anything, everyone is so nice and puts their best foot forward.  The next thing you know, you are talking to a different version of a guy.

I'm tired of being gullible.  I'm tired of being used.  I'm tired of trusting.  I'm tired

I'm proud of the fact that I'm honestly who I say I am.  I never give the watered down version of myself.  From the word go, I'm just me.  There has to be someone out there crazy enough to want me and all my crazy.

Back to the drawing board I suppose.

I lived. :)

August away from FB.  Not too bad at all.  As a matter of fact, I've only jumped on there a few times since the 1st.  Realized that I'm not really missing much. 

More time on my hands to do things that matter.  My desk is much more organized and to be honest, so is my brain.  I now realize what a brainsuck FB can be.  You just sit and read mainly mindless nonsense.  It adds no value to your life.  You are either envious of the other half, or you feel somewhat superior over a few.  Neither way is a way I want to live my life.

Life is pretty good right now for the most part.  

My time away from FB

So, I've been off of Facebook since August 1st.  For the first 8 or 9 days, there was no contact.  But, I have several pages that I manage, so I signed back in only to receive emails.

I can honestly say, I've never really been happier.  Talking more with friends by phone and text is much nicer.  It is so nice not being assaulted by negativity, political rants, boasters, whiners, gripers, complainers the list goes on and on.

Well, time to get back to work.  Hope all 5 of you out there reading my blog are having a great day.  :)

Peace Out

Oh Ireland.

I've been growing restless lately.  A sense of lonliness creeps in almost daily.  I physically long to be standing in Dublin, listening to the Irish accents and drinking a thick Guinness.  Seeing photos of Ireland, or even hearing an Irish name sets me off.

I'm planning a trip for Christmas and New Year's.  Not sure if it will happen yet, but damn I'm trying.  It's been 5 long months since I've walked the cobblestone streets.  It is a homesick, gut wrenching desire to just exist.  In Ireland, I just am.  It doesn't matter what I've done, the mistakes I've made.  In Ireland, I'm whole.

Peace Out.

One week of no FB

One whole week free of FB.  It feels weird not knowing every little detail of some people's lives.  :)

I feel a little lighter, a little less guilty.  Many things are out of our control.  When I see chaos there is an immediate feeling of wanting to help.  Most instances, there is nothing I can do.  Then the helpless feeling kicks in.  Then I go on about my life and things are good, then I see how bad some people have it, and then  the guilt kicks in.                                                                                                                                           How can you live your life filled with joy and laughter, when people are suffering all around you?

The above question haunts me almost daily.  

By deactivating FB, I was able to eliminate about 98% of the negativity I see every day.  It's quite amazing actually.  Yes, there are some things I miss.  I do have some extremely funny friends, and their page was my comic relief.  I miss reading my Ireland friend's posts and seeing their pictures.  And there are just a few friends, who always were positive, even in the face of bad stuff.  Those things I miss.  What I don't miss are the whiners, complainers, the over-sharers, the boastful, the idiots (yes, I know a few), the woe is me type, the crazy zealots (POLITICAL & RELIGIOUS), I could go on, but then that would make me the whiner.  What I'm trying to say, is growing older for me, brings along a peacefulness about growing up.  I'm realizing more of what makes me happy and unhappy.  My want and need for happiness is not being selfish, it is taking care of myself.  

Peace Out!

P.S.  Without linking my blog to FB, my last post has received 9 views in 6 days.  Out of sight, out of mind.

4 weeks of freedom

Today marks the 28th day of being nicotine free.  I'm so proud of myself.  Not saying I won't fall off the wagon from time to time, but my aim is to stay substance free.  I quit smoking April 1st, 2011 and then occasionally smoked while drinking.  Which really means, when in Ireland.....
It was the Snus, or pouched tobacco, that was starting to become a problem.  It was pretty much invisible to everyone, so I did it every where.  That kind of dependence is maddening. 

Speaking of Dependence, I deactivated FB last night.  Trying to connect more with the life I am living.  Checking in, uploading pictures, liking, so many things that take away from the present here and now.  I'm trying to find a better balance in my life.  We'll see how it goes.  I'll keep the blog going though.  I love to write and it helps to see my feelings on the paper.  I can save and edit and really put out there what I'm going through.

It's funny though, not many people will see this because I won't be linking to FB.  It's a reminder that we are not as important as we might think.

Peace Out!

6 months out

Today marks the countdown... I'm six months away... how did it happen? THE BIG 40

Holy Crap!
%^$(^%87
SHIT!
NoooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ok, you get the point.

Saturday, I competed in my first Crossfit Comp, and got my ass handed to me.  It was a lot of fun, but it definitely showed me areas I can improve.  Endurance!!!!   I'm very excited to start training a little harder.  I've had to take it a little slow because of the shoulder surgery, but it's time to turn up the intensity a bit.  Sunday I worked out a whole new meal plan and started  this morning.  We will see how my body responds in a few weeks.  

Only a few days until I silence FB for a month.  That will definitely give me more time to focus on things.  There are little things around the house I want to fix, but mainly I want to train.  I'm happiest when I'm sweating in the gym, pushing my body to its limit.  The closer I get to 40, the more I realize what truly makes me happy.  Being in the gym all sweaty and exhausted.  Attempting lifts and learning how to use my body more efficiently.  Learning what foods fuel me and make me a leaner and stronger athlete.  I abused my body for years with alcohol, bad food, drugs and not enough sleep.  It's a wonder I'm able to do anything at all.  

So anyway, stay tuned.  There are changes on the horizon.  I'm very excited about where I am emotionally.  Still have some very hard days and that will probably never change.  Just the other day walking Sir William, a song started and I was literally bawling my eyes out, then the moment passed and I was fine.  Physically I'm getting stronger every day.  I can now do push-ups without the bands to assist me.  Next big goal, strict pull up.  I want that so bad, and a one handed hand stand, oh and a back hand spring... the list is really endless.

I want to do all the things..... :)

Ready for a break!

I'm so ready for a much needed break.  Starting Friday August 1, 2014  NO FACEBOOK for a month.  I'm probably going to skip watching any news programs as well.  It seems like everyday, every minute, every second is marred by tragedy.  Guess what people, it's always been that way.  Since the beginning of time, SHIT happens.  But in today's time, everything is BREAKING NEWS.  Watching everyone post depressing and horrifying news links has started taking it's toll. 

     "Like this picture to show you don't support spousal abuse"  "Look at this dog, his fur gone because his owners tied him to a tree and didn't feed him for weeks".... I could go on, but I know you have all seen it.

I don't know about you guys, but life for me is pretty ok.  I mean, things aren't perfect, but I've been blessed beyond measure.  If I sat and focused on all the shit, life would become horrible really quickly.  I've been learning lately, that I can't live my life for anyone other than myself.  The way I react or don't react, is totally up to me.  I'll be honest, I don't like conflict, but for years instigated my fair share of turmoil.  Now, I would rather avoid the things that make me sad or unhappy.

I'm tired of waking up and the first thing I hear is bad news.  Since I know this, I will just quit listening to the news. Unless of course it's from Gary Gnu

New Direction

Hello all.  It has been a couple of months since my last post.  I've been busy in the gym, at the office and not much else.

More frequent posts are on the horizon, as I venture into a new phase of life.  My shoulder is healing nicely and I'm in the gym more and more.  I've signed up for my first competition in 3 weeks.  I'm really excited to do something competitive again.

I'll post recipes, exercise tips, struggles, personal records... whatever happens for the week, I'll fill you in.  Everyday can't be a PR kind of day.  I want to encourage people to never give up.  You are never too old, too young, too anything.  Do things that make you happy, find people who encourage that and live your life. 

Peace out for now......

Mother's Day.

Oh boy, another Mother's Day is upon us.  Just my opinion, but it is just another day.  But, if you watch TV, read the newspaper, pay attention to Facebook, all you see are sappy posts and commercials about the day.  It's like a global attack of guilt upon you.  "Treat your mother to the best" "Give flowers to the woman who gave you life"... the list goes on and on and on and on. 

First, there are women who chose not to have children.  We should have a day to celebrate them for just being them.  A woman!!  We need a woman's day.

Second, there are many women who have lost their child or children.  This can be a very emotional and draining time for them.  They are constantly reminded of the children they once held who are no longer here.

Third, there are women who have tried and failed to ever get pregnant.  There can be feelings of embarrassment or uselessness.

Fourth, there are women who have suffered miscarriages.  This day can be a reminder of what could have been.

Fifth, there are women who after a lot of soul searching, decided to abort a baby.  They might have feelings of guilt and shame.  Or, they could be like the first group, who just chose not to have a child in their circumstances.

My point is, not everyone wants to celebrate Mother's Day.  Not even with their own mother.  I am one of those women.  I love my mother, every crazy inch of her.  She drives me to the brink of madness most days.  She has been a constant source of love in my life.  She has also been a source of conflict, because we don't always see eye to eye.  But I have my own feelings of everything I described above.  Is it selfish of me, to decide that I want to do what I want?  Sure it is.  But I make no apologies for trying to safeguard my heart against the feelings that come up every year.  I've been dealing with them since my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage in 1995.  Almost 20 years of heartbreak.  It's only recently, I decided to take a stand and do only things I wanted to do.  Nothing out of obligation anymore.  It's not the most popular choice in a society which thrives on tradition. 

 So Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there, including my Mammie and Crickett.

But especially, Happy Strong Woman's Day to all the women who don't have children.

Where is 2014 going? Wait, where is life going so fast?

This year has been a roller coaster of sorts.  Took another trip to Ireland for St. Patrick's Day.  It was a fantastic trip with many fun moments.  Hanging out with friends and making new ones.  I miss there so much.  It's almost time to start planning my next trip.

I've been released from the Surgeon and PT.  Back in the gym, working on things slowly.  I've been doing banded push-ups and pull-ups.  Lots of stretching and mobility too.  Still some internal rotation issues, but it is slowly getting better.

I've registered with the State of Oklahoma, and have started selling my cookies at the Farmer's Market.  My brother built me the most awesome cart.  I only asked for a sign, and he hooked me up.  Last Saturday was the first and I think it was pretty successful.  Had a great time talking with people and interacting.  Now, if we could just get them to change the hours, it would be perfect.  NO one wants to wake up on Saturday morning at 5:45.  At least I don't want to.

So life, it just goes by.. One moment I was a teenager and now I'm pushing 40.  I can still see that person in the mirror.  When I see my friends, they are still those people.  This week, we lost one of the good ones.  Todd Osborne.  Oh such a handsome guy.  He was every girl's crush.  I can remember being in 4th or 5th grade and thinking he was "Hot".  I didn't go to school with him, but every summer while at my dad's, that was the neighborhood.  I followed my older brother around and ended up always being with the guys.  Kickball games, Putt Putt, you name it we did it.  Todd was so nice and down to earth.  He never met a stranger.  He had the most stunning eyes always with a twinkle.  There was sometimes a mischievous gleam to them.  His smile, was quick to come and genuine.  When you had a conversation with Todd, he was there with you in that moment.  He listened, paid attention and cared.  He was so laid back and confident.  When I was around him, I always thought of a beach.  He loved music and all different kinds.  He would post the songs he was listening too, and I always found myself thinking "man I love that song", which would propel me to stop what I was doing and Youtube the song to hear it again.  I'll miss those reminders to stop and take time to listen to the song.  Every time I saw him, I would say "I'm coming to Ft. Worth to visit soon"  His response was always, "come on, the pool is open and you have a place to stay".  I never took that trip.  I lost out on making more memories with my friend Todd.  I"m thankful for the memories I have.  He has left a lot of friends behind.  Reading their stories makes me smile.  He left a lasting impression on everyone he met.  It's going to be sad to say goodbye, but I'm so grateful he was a part of my story.

To all my friends close by and far away.  You all are a part of my story, and I appreciate each and everyone of you.  Thank you for the memories and I hope to make more with you.

Didn't realize how long it had been.

Wow!  Time seems to have gotten away from me.  Can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I blogged.  In my defense, I was a little out of it for the first part of January. 

Let's get up to date.  My shoulder is healing fantastically.  I almost hit full range of motion today in PT.  That is huge!!  Soon, I'll be able to start strengthening exercises, and then I'll be back in the gym.  YAY  Hopefully the doctor releases me next week, to at least start running.  Fingers crossed on that.

Sir William and I continue to snuggle each night on the couch.  He still makes me yell "treat" from time to time, just to get him inside. 

Other than that, not much else to report.  I'm sure I'll have more to say soon.

Hope everyone's New Year, has started with a BANG.